Who’s on first for the San Francisco Giants this season? (With apologies to Abbott and Costello.)

(April 3, 2007) Hear the audio version

D: Molly, you’re a Giants fan.

M: Yeah, Mom.

D: So today’s Opening Day.

M: Yep.

D: Back in the 60’s –

M: – the old days.

D: Right, the old days. San Francisco Giants fans knew who’d be on the team every year.

M: Who?

D: Mays, McCovey, Marichal, Cepeda, and an Alou –

M: – or two or three.

D: Right. But these days fans need a cheat sheet to know who’s on first.

M: Richie’s on first.

D: Rich Aurilia?

M: Yep.

D: But Richie’s a shortstop.

M: Except when he’s on first. Omar’s at short, Ray-Ray’s on second, and Pedro’s at third.

D: Hey! I know them. This isn’t so hard –

M: – except when Klesko’s on first.

D: You said Richie was on first!

M: Except when Sweeney’s on first.

D: MAKE UP YOUR MIND, MOLLY! Who is on first?

M: Lance Niekro?

D: The Giants have FOUR first-basemen?

M: Yep.

D: I don’t get it. It wasn’t that long ago when we needed only one first-baseman, the great J.T. Snow.

M: We HAVE J.T. Snow.

D: Then why do the Giants need anyone else on first???

M: J.T. retired, Mom. He’s a coach. And broadcaster.

D: Okay. Who’s in left?

M: Barry.

D: Barry Bonds?

M: Yep.

D: For one more year?

M: At least.

D: Okay . . . Who’s in center?

M: Dave Roberts.

D: The guy I call the jackrabbit, who ran around the bases for the Red Sox to come back against the Yankees in the ’04 playoffs? He’s a Giant now?

M: Yep, and he’s batting leadoff. He should get ON first a lot.

D: When he isn’t playing center.

M: Yep.

D: I like it. Who’s in right?

M: Randy Winn.

D: But he’s a center-fielder.

M: Roberts is in center. Winn’s in right.

D: Who’s pitching?

M: Barry.

D: You said Barry was in left!

M: Barry BONDS is in left, Barry ZITO is on the mound.

D: Barry Zito the A’s pitcher?

M: No, Barry Zito the Giants’ pitcher.

D: He left the A’s –

M: – and signed with the Giants.

D: Good! So who else’s gonna help the Giants win games this year?

M: LOTS of guys: Matt Cain –

D: – who’s your sister’s age.

M: Yep. And Noah Lowry and Bengie Molina and Todd Linden and Kevin Frandsen.

D: Got it. I hate to ask this, but . . . any of them play first?

M: Uh-huh.

D: So who’s on first?

M: Kevin. When it’s not Richie or Ryan or Mark or Lance –

D: Molly!

M: What?

D: Let’s just get on the train and go to the ballpark.

M: I’m ready!

D: With a Perspective, I’m Debbie Duncan.

M: And I’m Molly Duncan Stone.

D & M: Play ball!